Love Thy Neighbor

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule and variations on that theme have been in effect since ancient times, from Babylon and Egypt to Greece and China.  It’s written about in the Bible, the Torah, and is found in Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and Jainism.

The Golden Rule and the Love thy Neighbor commandment instruct us to do unto others as we would have them to unto us. Or love the other as we love ourselves.

Often when we look at these tenets we see them as instructive in ways to treat the other. Being kind and generous to others is rewarded.  It’s even said in the yoga tradition that the path of service, or karma yoga, can lead to enlightenment. I don’t doubt that, but why is it that flight attendants have to remind us to put our own oxygen mask on in an emergency before we help others, could it be we forget to take care of ourselves in the name of service?

Let’s look at this rule or commandment more closely.  We often overlook the basis of the rule or commandment – which refers to how we’d like to be treated, or even how we treat ourselves.  Love thy neighbor as thyself.   Putting this practice into effect has to start with loving ourselves. How do you love yourself? Sometimes when people come to learn to meditate we take a look at how they treat themselves. Every one of us has thoughts in meditation or sometimes drift off in a daydream, but there are some students that are so hard on themselves when this happens – getting angry or frustrated with themselves – a habit they’ve fallen into as a way to make themselves do it right. Some people simply believe they can’t do it at all, or that there is something inherently wrong with them. Of course they can meditate, I remind them. I’ve never yet met someone who can’t.

I suggest that they practice being sweet to themselves, in and out of meditation. And by sweet, I don’t mean buying a new outfit or an ice cream, I mean actually being kind to yourself, and paying attention to yourself. Maybe you’ve forgotten your own inner loveliness. You are wise, you are kind, you are aware, and you know what is good for you on a very basic level. Being unkind to ourselves can simply be an old habit. It might come up that someone stays in a relationship that isn’t nourishing, or they say nasty things to themselves when they look in the mirror, or don’t take good care of their body, or don’t listen to their own inner wisdom. What if we treated our neighbor based on the ways that we sometimes treat (or loved) ourselves? We’d ignore them, say nasty things about them, or not care about them in some way. You see how that goes?

How we treat ourselves can inform everything we say or do. We have to become aware of it first, we each have to expand our awareness. I’ve written about really listening to yourself, discovering your intuition, asking yourself what you really want, living in tune with nature, beginning your meditation practice, and remembering to be grateful. But it all comes down to loving one’s self – which is often more difficult than it sounds. It takes practice.

There is a Buddhist meditation practice known as Loving Kindness (You don’t have to be Buddhist to do it.) It has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind. In this simple practice, one begins with truly experiencing love for themselves, and from there, one meditates on kindness to others.

It goes like this:

• Sit down and relax your body. Give yourself three slow, deep breaths through your nose and then let your breath return to a natural rhythm.
• Bring your attention to your heart center, gently place your hand there if you like.
• Take some time to cultivate a warm and gentle feeling for yourself.
• Silently say some sweet things to yourself, with a sense of sincerity, kindness and warmth (see some examples below.)
• Notice how your heart and mind respond. There is no need to hurry.
• Experience your heart slowly fill with the warmth and bliss of your own loving intention.
• After you give yourself the attention, you can then have the same intention for all beings to be well and free from suffering.
• Keep your eyes closed for a few minutes and enjoy for a few moments your state of being.
• Take three breaths through your nose, deeper than normal, and come back to yourself and the environment you are sitting in.

Here are some intentions I use, choose one that resonates with you, or come up with your own:

• May I be filled with loving kindness. May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be free from suffering.
• I am safe. I am cared for. I am loved and all is well.
• May I become an intimate, kind, and friendly force for myself and all of life.
• May I be completely present in my own life.
• May I know and experience the Divine fully.
• I accept myself exactly as I am and exactly as I am not.
• May I remember the universal kindness which surrounds me at every moment.
• There is no one on earth who is more deserving of my love than me.
• May I be on my own side and not betray myself.

The more I practice Loving Kindness, the more I learn to know myself as a person capable of warmth, of sweetness, of love and a peaceful response to life. I trust myself more and have more to give. Each act of kindness to others then becomes an act of gentleness to myself and to my own spirit.

© 2011 All Rights Reserved. Sarah McLean, Sedona Meditation Training Co. www.SedonaMeditation.com

Do I Really Have to Sit Like That?

These days we are constantly stimulated – mentally, emotionally and physically. Not surprisingly, taking a break from this stimulation actually improves your health, your work, your relationships, and your life.

That is why meditation is becoming more and more popular. It is a great way to take a break, unplug, and reduce stress that builds up and causes disease.

Did you know that over 60% of all doctors’ visits are due to stress related complaints? Meditation is the perfect antidote for stress. And it is a great way to find out who you really are.

Meditation is a time-tested practice that benefits mind, body and spirit. Through inner exploration, meditation awakens creativity, healing, and transformation.

Quieting the mind, or meditation in general, can seem impossible to do especially for a beginner. The mind is used to wandering and being focused outward, and focus inward might not come easily at first. Through the practice of meditation, the nervous system grows used to turning inward.

Here are some misconceptions I hear all the time about meditation and the reason people are not so sure they can do it. And information to set you straight.

I can’t stop thinking.

That’s right, you can’t – it is nearly impossible to stop thinking by thinking about it.   The nature of the mind is to think, like the nature of your eye is to see.  Over time, as you practice meditation correctly however, you’ll find that you can easily access more and more subtle levels of thinking, and eventually, more and more silence.  The mind stops thinking on its own, for a moment or two. Thoughts will always be a part of your meditation.

I will have to work very hard to meditate correctly.

Meditation is something that anyone can learn.  I haven’t met one person who can’t do it. It does take the ability to sit relatively still, with your eyes closed or semi-closed, and the willingness to put your attention on a focus. Most people can do that. Some meditations have you focus on an area of your body, or a color, a candle flame, a sound, or a thought. You’ll need to spend a few minutes every day to practice turning your attention inward, but anyone can do it. Most people can do it easily the very first time.

I’ve  listened to CDs and read books, and I can’t do it.

As long as you can sit down and close your eyes, you can meditate. Most people have so many expectations about what they should be experiencing in meditation, that it can make it nearly impossible to sit easily without effort. I always suggest that people get professional instruction by someone who has had years of daily meditation experience. I also think it is helpful to have a seasoned meditator to practice with sometimes, so you’ll gain confidence that you can actually do it.

I’ll have to wear unusual clothing.

You don’t need to wear a special robe, hat, or love beads  You don’t need to chant out loud either. Though you can if you want to. But it doesn’t necessarily make you more of a meditator.  Meditation is a personal experience: you do it the way you want to by following the techniques that suit you and your lifestyle.  Always be kind to yourself, and stay with your own integrity. Just because some people insist you should look a certain way if you are really into meditation, heed your own inner wisdom, trust yourself and do what you want.

Meditation will make me too relaxed to get in the game.

Most people are used to functioning while being tense or stressed, and they feel it’s the only way to get something done. You know, Red Bull, caffeine, performance, competition, beat yourself until you get it right. In reality, over time, the effects of stress can lessen your ability to concentrate or make good decisions.  You won’t become lazy or too relaxed: you’ll be clearer, and operate in your life from a place of centeredness and balance. You’ll probably gain some focus, creativity and better concentration. With meditation, you’ll learn be more relaxed and you can do less and accomplish more. Nice!

Isn’t it dangerous? Won’t I leave my body or run into evil spirits?

I live in Sedona, and there is an emphasis on the experiences in meditation. But I look for the experiences in my life to show me whether meditation is working or safe. Some people get great insights and others love it when they lose a sense of where their body begins and ends.  But my experience over the past 20 years has been that meditation isn’t like that, at least the type of meditation that helps you to transcend the world of thought and form.  The real reason to meditate is to have a better life. There are so many experiences you can have in meditation: you’ll have thoughts (lots of them), get distracted by noises outside, feel uncomfortable, see colors, feel relaxed, feel restless, feel bliss, etc. But the real measure of how your meditation is working is by taking a look at your life. Are you happier, healthier, more relaxed? Are your relationships more fulfilling, are you making better choices?

I’ll have to change my religion, because Buddhists and Hindus know what’s up.

Meditation is a practice, not a religion. Many of the techniques come from an Eastern religion of philosophy, but meditation can be secular too. It is really about closing your eyes, sitting still, and reconnecting with who you really are. You can meditate if you are atheist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Quaker, Buddhist, Hindu, anything. Regardless of your background or beliefs you can meditate. It might even make you more connected with the religion you already practice.  Or it might strengthen your connection with your creator, whatever your belief is.

I am so busy, I don’t have the time in my day.

How long do you wait in line for a latte? How much time do you spend checking your email? Most of us have five minutes extra a day. It is totally worth taking this time out for a time in. I think of meditation as the perfect way to reduce stress, and it rejuvenates me.  If you meditate for a short time each day, you’ll receive more benefits than sitting in front of the TV or surfing the internet. It’s all about priorities, and your health and happiness.

It is for weirdos.

I used to be considered weird by my family, before they got married, had kids, got jobs, got stressed. I headed off to an ashram, lived in a monastery, made meditation my priority.  Now that their kids are teens, and they themeslves aren’t kids anymore, they realize that I might be onto something.  They ask me how I am so happy, why I look so good, and why I am so healthy. Yes, in our culture, it might just seem strange to see someone sitting up with their eyes closed, in silence, without their iPod in, for an extended period of time, but it really isn’t.  That being said, some people who meditate are definitely weird and have really unusual beliefs. But there are people like that everywhere.

I cannot sit like that.

Even though sitting in the lotus position, a traditional yoga posture for meditation; it’s not required for you to sit in any special way.  If crossing your legs is uncomfortable, it won’t help you to turn your attention inward. You can meditate while you are sitting down almost anywhere – as long as you are not driving. I teach people to sit in a chair and they can have their back supported, or not. It is best not to lie down (you’ll fall asleep and that is NOT meditation.)  Some people sit on cushions on the floor, others sit up against their headboards when they wake up in the morning. It is totally up to you. The most important thing is that you do it!

There are many different types of meditation. Some examples are following the breath, repeating a mantra out loud or silently, chanting, walking meditations, or gazing at a candle. Find out more here. Each individual has a unique experience with each one. You’ll find what works for you.

Just for a few seconds, notice the way the breath is flowing into and out of your body. There are many little things to notice about the way breath feels, and if you start paying attention to it, you can settle into meditation.

Anyone can learn to meditate. Don’t have any experience? Don’t worry. If you can think a thought, you can meditate, and you don’t have to change a thing – not your diet, your religion, your beliefs – nothing. You just have to have the desire to do it and then take a short time out every day. You’ll notice the benefits unfold naturally and effortlessly.

Sarah McLean director of Sedona Meditation Training can be reached at (928) 204-0067.

What is Mindfulness Anyway?

What are you doing right now? You are probably sitting and reading this. But what else are you doing? Thinking? Eating? Listening to music? Spending time with your family?

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: On purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

I like Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness. Kabat-Zinn, if you haven’t heard of him, is the founder of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. He also wrote the books Wherever You Go, There You Are, and Coming to our Senses

Mindfulness is a term used to describe the practice of bringing one’s awareness back (i.e. from the past or the future or distraction of any kind) into the present moment.

Mindfulness can be practiced formally as a meditation, and it is also a practice that can be done at any time. It does not require sitting a certain way, or even focusing on the breath. It does require bringing your focus on whatever is happening in the present moment, and simply noticing the mind’s usual commentary. That being said, mindfulness meditation definitely helps one’s awareness to settle down, and eventually creates a silent backdrop behind activity – this makes it easier to practice present moment awareness.

Any activity done mindfully is a form of meditation. Mindfulness can be done in almost any situation. You can be mindful of the sensations in one’s feet while walking, or the feeling of warm soapy water on the hands while doing dishes. You can also become mindful of the mind’s judgement and continual commentary: “I wish I didn’t have to walk any further, I like the sound of the leaves rustling, I wish washing dishes wasn’t so boring and the soap wasn’t drying out my skin”, etc.

Let’s look at the practice of eating mindfully – when we sit down to eat we are purposefully aware of the process of eating. We’re deliberately noticing the way our body is positioned, the sensations in our body, and the mind and body’s responses to those sensations. You might notice the mind wandering, and when it does, you can purposefully bring your attention back to the eating. Mindfulness is a continual refocusing on the present moment.

When one eats without awareness, you may in theory know you are eating, but you might be thinking about many other things at the same time, and may also be watching TV, talking, or reading – or all of those. So a very small part of our awareness is absorbed with eating, and we may be only barely aware of the physical sensations and even less aware of our thoughts and emotions. We almost miss the experience. Have you ever eaten a meal and not remembered eating the whole thing? That is the opposite of mindfulness!

Why would someone want to practice mindfulness? Well, it is one of the meditation techniques practiced and proven to be effective in many research projects leading to:

Increased self-awareness, self-trust, and self- acceptance

Enhanced appreciation of life

Serenity in the face of difficulties

Lasting decreases in a variety of stress-related physical symptoms, including chronic pain

Significant decreases in anxiety and depression

Improved concentration and creativity

Improved immune system functioning

Decreased symptoms secondary to cancer

More accepting attitude toward life and its challenges

Now who wouldn’t want that?